When I started 31 for 21, I thought I would use this month
to reflect on Ben’s first year.
The Blog Hop prompt for this weekend is “If I knew then what I know
now.”
Ben is almost 15 months old. Where to start?
If I knew I was going to pump for a whole year, I would have
bought a hands free pumping bra.
If I knew Ben was NOT going to need heart surgery before he
turned one, I would have worried less.
If I knew that I would only hear congratulations and love
for my sweet boy from friends and strangers, I would have spent less time
thinking about how to defend him.
If I knew how quickly that first year would go, I would have
shut the computer more and spent more time with all three of my kids.
If I had known the dozen local families, online
community and resources available to me, I would not have felt so lonely.
I think back on the last year and I think about all the
things I did wrong. I let Corrie
and Evan watch way too much TV. I
spent a lot of time online. I neglected
my home. I didn’t stimulate Ben
enough. I didn’t put his hip
helpers on as much as I should have.
I wasn’t patient with my family.
And I try to give myself a break. Honestly, it was a shock when Ben was born with Down
syndrome … even though the risk (according to the quad screen) was 1 in
19. I didn’t do any research
beforehand; I just figured that we would cross that bridge when we came to it.
So then, when we did cross that bridge, I felt a lot of fear
and worry. I held Ben in my arms
and felt protective. I felt like
this little baby needed me to shield him from all that life was going to bring.
Little did I know how amazing Ben would be. How his smile would light up a
room. How his brother and sister
would adore him. How our family,
church and friends near and far would delight in him.
Little did I know that he would be my easiest baby. He would sleep through the night at one
month. He would drive with me from
home to preschool to soccer practice to doctor’s appointments with (mostly) a
good attitude. He would be a
champion snuggler.
