PCS

I've developed a condition. I call it PCS (Pre-Cardiologist-Syndrome). It's similar to PMS, in that there are a couple of good weeks with generally positive energy and emotion, followed by a week or so of higher stress and mood swings. This is how I feel during the week preceding one of Ben's cardiology appointments.

Ben typically has one cardiology appointment every month. It's been about 6 weeks since our last visit. During the week before a cardiology appointment, I find myself worrying about every little thing: is he eating enough? does he seem sweaty? are his hands and feet turning blue?

He has an appointment tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. I'm looking forward to it, because it feels good to take a look and make sure that everything is OK. I also dread it, because - what if everything isn't OK?

As I think about Ben's little body and his heart, I am often reminded of 1 Samuel 16:7:

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

This happens when Samuel is sent to find the next king of Israel. Samuel is impressed with some of the older sons of Jesse, but God tells Samuel to disregard man's outer appearance. God leads him instead to anoint David, who is Jesse's youngest son and a shepherd.

I know that the passage is talking about David's heart for God - and not his physical heart - but it gives me great comfort. I am thankful that God created Ben and knows his heart; that He sees the hole and knows exactly what's going on inside Ben's body.