Slowing Down

I have big news!  Ben is walking.  At 30 months old, he can walk confidently on his own for a good 30 steps.  Now, he is not walking full time.  His gait is wobbly.  He still opts to crawl if he's in a hurry.  And occasionally he will use his signature butt-scooting move to go a short distance.  But ... this boy can walk.

It has been a long time coming.  When he was a baby, I used to try to pull him to a stand.  He flat out refused to put any weight on his feet.  I would lift his arms to pull him up and Ben would remain in a sitting position - just sitting on air instead of letting his feet drop down to touch the floor.  He learned to roll over before he was a month old, but it took forever for him to get on all fours.  He army-crawled for months.  And then instead of crawling, he developed a silly way of scooting on his bottom. Man, was he fast!  If the kids left the garage door open while I was distracted, Ben would be in the garage, across the driveway, and halfway down the sidewalk to the neighbors' in a flash - all while scooting on his bottom.

I knew that he would learn to walk eventually.  And I didn't really mind the wait.  The scooting was funny, and when he figured out crawling, it was great to watch him motor across a room.

There were pangs, though.  Moments where I realized how hard he was working to feel comfortable on his feet, and times when I saw other little ones striding across a room while Ben sat comfortably in one spot, not ready to move or explore.

I wrestled with my expectations.  How much should I push him?

We built in a little walking and exercise time every day.  He saw (and still sees) a physical therapist once a week.  Big brother and sister called "walk to me, Ben!" as he took tentative steps from a couch to a sibling.  We laughed as he applauded himself.  A friend brought over a great walking contraption made out of PVC pipes.  Ben did laps.

What made the difference?  I'm not sure.  It could have been the tubes in his ears.  Maybe he had some balance issues that were remedied by getting tubes.  It could have just been the right time;  he was finally ready.  He got more standing toys (like this sand table), and his stamina increased.  

But I think a big part of Ben walking more now has to do with me and my willingness - finally - to slow down.  

It takes a lot of patience to hold his little hands and walk together down a sidewalk.  My back ached from bending over to hold fingers.  And honestly, I am often in a hurry.  Impatient.  I have things to do and places to go.  Life is much simpler when you can swing a baby onto your hip and tote him around.  Or stick him in a shopping cart while picking up a few items at the grocery store.  I got in the habit of carrying him everywhere because (1) he's my baby and (2) it was just plain easier.

Over the past month, I have deliberately given Ben opportunities to walk.  I have slowed myself down to walk with him from the parking lot into church.  I have let him out of the cart at the grocery store so that he can help me push.  I have left the stroller in the trunk while Ben and I mosey around the park.  

This kind of practice is fun for him even if it feels painfully slow to me.

But it has been good for both of us.  I need the reminder to slow down, to spend time on the important things, not just the urgent.  To give my attention to the significant people in my life.  To let my loved ones have a say in how we spend our time together.

And now Ben is walking.  Ironically, this is probably going to speed us up all too soon.

To see him walk, check out this video.

Thoughts on Sign Language, Speech and Communication

Ben knows many, many signs.  I really should make a list.  I know he's got more than 100 words, but I haven't bothered writing them all down.  Maybe he has 200!  Or not.  :)

For a long time, it seemed that Ben would rarely begin a conversation himself.  He would respond to questions (ex. "Would you like something to eat?") with appropriate signs ("banana," "eat," etc.).  He clearly understood what we asked, but he rarely made the first move.

Lately, he is using sign language more effectively - and he is initiating conversations.  

When we were sitting in the living room on Friday, Ben pointed out the window and signed "outside.  slide."  Of course, it was 32 degrees, so I told him that we could not go slide outside, but I loved that he requested something that wasn't food or Signing Time.

If I'm attempting to put him in his crib (and he doesn't want to go to bed), he will point at the door to the bedroom, signing "Go.  Please.  More."  

He signs "book" when he's ready for storytime.  He will often sit with a book and sign all the words to himself.

Corrie loves to play with Ben, but she often provokes him.  They will play in some rough and tumble way, and he will communicate his displeasure by grunting.  She won't stop, and then he responds by pushing her.  Now it is not right for Ben to push or hit, but I can see how it frustrates him when he is "telling" her to stop and she continues the behavior.  We have had several conversations about how Corrie and Evan have to pay attention to the ways Ben communicates - even if he doesn't have spoken words yet.  Well, the other day, she was messing with Ben, and he grunted a couple of times, then he stopped, looked at her very deliberately, and signed emphatically, "STOP."  It was great to see him use a sign at the right time, in the right context.  And she knew what he meant.

I hope and expect that Ben will learn to talk.  He can make lots of noises (you should hear him when he "talks" on the phone) and he moves his lips into the appropriate places for sounds (Mmm, Bbb, Ppp), but he hasn't managed to connect the sounds with the lips yet.  He just got tubes in his ears, so I'm hoping that we'll see an improvement in his speech.  I don't hear him use many consonants, and I wonder if that has to do with his hearing or fluid in his ears.

Lately, I've been thinking about preschool.  Ben turns three this summer, and he will start preschool in the fall.  In my ideal world, he will attend a local church-based preschool 2-3 mornings a week, and go to the public preschool the other 2-3 mornings.  I have great confidence in Ben's ability to be part of both preschools.  His receptive language is on track for his age, so he should do fine following directions for circle time, songs, crafts, etc.

I'm not sure how preschool will work with Ben's signs.  I want him to be able to communicate with the other kids and teachers, and the best way for him to do that right now is through sign.  However, I also want him to talk.  I wonder how that transition from signing to speaking works.  We use sign and speech together, so I'm hopeful that he will do the same thing - learn to say the word while he makes the sign.  

I spoke with a mom of a teen with Down syndrome the other day.  Her child has wonderful speech, but even so, the mom said that that her daughter will sometimes get frustrated because she will think the words faster than she can say them.  

It is easy to think of speech as an indicator of intelligence, but I begin to understand that it is not.  Low muscle tone and poor motor planning can create a physical barrier between the words in the head and the words that come out of the mouth.  

I want Ben to be able to communicate in a meaningful way.  Right now, he does.